A Change of Heart

 Sometimes I cannot seem to put all my thoughts in order, 

so they accumulate to the point of engulfing my mind in complete disarray.

How to define the undefinable? How to find the essence in a sorrowful cry? How to call back the elusive? 

Deep down, I am insecure and fragile. I want to take all the blame and conjure a smile.

How can a single fixed gaze of mine be disconcerting then?

Out of the blue, after feeling down for hours, I radiate calm and rock-solid peace... 

Then, all of a sudden, it is the the other eyes that wander,

all of a sudden, the other hands move confusedly searching for mine,

and, all of a sudden, closeness replaces distance;

and a smile floats like the moon that looks like a piece of glittery gold.

Then, all of a sudden, here comes my warmth and goodness,

and, all of a sudden, I see myself as

one who is of great worth;

one who does not beg but gives;

one who just is, who is oneself, and that is enough.

Then, all of a sudden, I am all-embracing to the point of a surprise.

And I sit still, accepting in anticipation:

nothing that disappears in me ever returns – I am a bottomless depth.

I want all to be infused with life;

a life that I love.

A Change of Heart © Ladanseuse

Transl. "Niterná proměna"